Breathing is unfortunately necessary

Well, things didn't go my way yesterday. Although I am frustrated and disappointed, I shouldn't be all that surprised.

We went up to New Breed to train (not that I did any real training, it was mostly for Ryan) in the early afternoon before coming back to the hotel, showering and heading to the venue. At New Breed I almost had a panic attack when Ryan held me in side control at one point, I tapped because I couldn't breathe. He looked at me and said, "don't get on the bottom today or we'll have a problem". I tried to put it out of my head though and get serious.

At the venue I went to warm-up on my own, just jogged for 10 minutes. I normally start running faster towards the end of my warm-up jog, but I was having trouble breathing so instead I just stopped and went to look for Ryan to warm-up with some jiu-jitsu. Our jiu-jitsu warm-up didn't last more than 4-5 minutes because I started breathing really heavy right away and Ryan thought we should just skip warm-up since it was clear my lungs wouldn't hold up. But we weren't about to let it deter me from fighting. Although I know how my body handles this kind of sickness, I ignored my brain and decided I was going out there and going to win.

...And then the match started. I kept my head on straight trying to be careful and control my breathing, think positive thoughts. I was pretty successful with that. The only problem with that is, if you are spending every thought on making sure you can breathe, there's not a lot left to think about what you are supposed to be doing - jiu-jitsu. I felt like I was dying the whole time despite a couple breaks to fix my belt, I just couldn't get my lungs to relax. I remember at one point getting underneath for half guard and even though she wasn't very heavy, I almost tapped because I couldn't breathe. Somehow Ryan's voice managed to make it though telling me what to do and I tried to relax, shift her weight towards my hips and go for my sweep. I don't even remember if I was successful, because literally every thought was on trying to make sure that what should be an autonomic body function, was still happening. I remember looking up at the clock around the 5 minute mark convinced I would have to tap or die before the match was over. But I made it to the end, barely. I had an attack after the match was over, and spent the next 6 hours just struggling just to breathe.

Unfortunately, I still don't feel a lot better. I couldn't sleep last night because I kept coughing and coughing and coughing - until Ryan yelled at me because he needed to sleep and I finally discovered an old sticky cough drop in my toiletry bag. But I woke myself up only about 4-5 hours later coughing, I had run out of cold medicine. Now I have a full box of Dayquil and some Halls and it's about time to head back to the venue to watch some of our friends compete this afternoon. Lets go Jake and Michelle!!